Let your heart hold fast
by iwha
Summary: "As the ceremony come to a close, he silently says his goodbyes to the dreams and plans he had with her in it. It doesn't matter now; she's not his, never was and never will be." AU/Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own HP nor the song Let your heart hold fast (I just used the song as muse and the title because I couldn't think of anything better), it belongs to their respective creative writers, distributors etc.

**A/N:** This is my first HP fanfic, although I think some would be familiar with me in the Merlin & KHR fandom. Hello co-fans! To be honest, I only watched the movies and not the books. Although I did visited the Harry Potter wikia and I've been a member of Pottermore, I'm currently inactive on the latter because life happened. This fic is dedicated to Fremione fans (being one myself) and those who likes the Weasley Twins. This story is AU since Fred's alive and it's in his POV. Enjoy!

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><p>If there's one thing he regretted the most, it would be that he never had the courage to do what his heart has told him to do. So much for being a Gryffindor, he's a bloody coward. Now here he was, sitting on a bench freezing his arse off, as he pondered on the what-ifs and what-could've-been in his life, particularly in the love department.<p>

Frankly speaking, he could almost get any girl he wanted now, perks of being one of the owners of Weasley Wizard Wheezes and not to mention being a survivor and good friend of Harry Potter aka The-Boy-Who-Lived. But if he were honest with himself, he'd rather forgo the newfound fame and was just glad that he had survived the Final Battle. But unfortunately, life doesn't seem to be in his favor so he just needs to suck it all up.

He looks down in his hands, fiddling absentmindedly of the ring he had bought but never seem to be able to use. He smiled wanly, as memories of the past pass by his mind. The sound of children playing, the birds chirping, and the noises of the cars passing by, is his only company at the moment. He could tell George of his lingering thoughts but he decided not to, he'd rather be alone today. Don't get him wrong, he loves his twin very much, the two of them are practically joined to the hip almost as if they're married. But no, as much as he's close to George, there are things that he'd rather keep to himself.

He looks up in the sky with tears lingering in his eyes, and swallowed hard. He wonders if it isn't too late to intervene or make her change her mind about Ron. But no, she looks so much happier with his younger brother and he doesn't have the heart to hurt his little brother by stealing away the love of his life. Because despite the pranks he had pulled to his gullible brother, he loves him just as much as he loves George, so no, he can't do it. That's why he's a coward, he can't do it.

He closed his eyes and imagines, for the last time, on what could've been. If he just gathered up the courage and tell her how he really felt, then maybe, just maybe, she could've been his to hold and to cherish forever. He envisions the family that they could've had together. They would've lived in a cottage similar to his childhood home, he would be flooing back from work and she would welcome him with a smile and ask him about his day and he would do the same. Their children, a boy and a girl with the same eyes as hers and hair as his, would run at his knees as they excitedly greets him back home all the while asking him to hold either of them in his arms. He would've laughed, and scooped both of them in his arms, and she would lead the three of them to the dinner table to eat. He would then listen to their children, as they told him how their day had been. Both of them would laugh at some and she would mildly scold the two for the pranks they had pulled. All in all, he would feel happy and content for the rest of his life. If only it were the case.

He clutched the ring in his hand tightly. He's aware that he couldn't have that. So he let his weary heart go, for the first time in a while, he's letting his emotions go. For now, he's letting out the bottling feelings he have inside. He had finally let himself go.

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><p>She looks so beautiful, the most beautiful bride in the world. He bit his inner cheek as he claps his hands to the newlywed couple. Trying hard not cry, so as to not ruin the joyous moment. He doesn't need anyone's pity. What he has inside, he'd rather keep it to himself. Although his heart is shattering to pieces at this very moment, he could honestly say that all he wished was for her happiness. Even if it's not with him, even if it's with someone else, he'd accept it with weary defeat.<p>

He mentally stomped down the gut-wrenching feeling inside him as the couple sealed their marriage with a kiss. _'It could've been you'_ his heart stubbornly tells him. He couldn't help but agree, _'Yes, it could've been me'_.

'_But, if she's happy, then who was he to take it away from her? He's not so cruel as to do that.'_

As the ceremony come to a close, he silently says his goodbyes to the dreams and plans he had with her in it. It doesn't matter now; she's not his, never was and never will be.

A couple of years later, he finds himself in the same bench he had sat the last time he was here. But unlike before, he feels a little better and more accepting of the things that had happened. Every now and then the what-ifs and could've-been crossed his mind, but it doesn't hurt as much as before. He's slowly recovering, but he's coming there. As he looks back, he really did regret being a coward, but as he learned throughout the years, experience is the best teacher of all.

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><p><strong>AN:** Most of what Fred felt is a reflection of my own, especially since this is what I've felt when I met my first love five years after high school. It was bittersweet because when we had talked, I felt we still had that connection we've had when we were younger but once he inadvertently slipped out that he's already in a relationship, my heart was more broken than it did five years ago. It was the most gut-wrenching feeling I had ever felt so far in my life. I had the chance and, years later, regretted every single day about it. I'm doing okay now, but it's true what they say, 'You'd never know what you had until it's gone' ne'er truer words, trust me.


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